Love or "Love"?

I know I've said this before, but I really had no idea what love was until Emma came along. Sometimes I watch her while she's sleeping, and I wonder how my heart even has the capacity to love something so much. It makes me think about all the people I love in my life, and how my love for them has changed and grown in the past year. It also makes me think about the people I "loved". Note the quotations, because as my understanding of love deepens, I realize that there were people I "loved" that maybe I didn't actually "love."

It brings to mind 1 Corinthians 13:4 - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. "


I can definitely say that with most of the people that I "loved", my love was kind, but definitely not patient. My love was not boastful or proud, but was usually envious. It was often self-seeking, easily angered, and always kept record of wrongs to be brought up at just the right moment. I can say for sure that my love never delighted in evil, and always rejoiced in the truth. But it's the last line that really gets it. While my love always hoped, it didn't protect, definitely didn't trust, and therefore didn't persevere. 

I finally understand why love always failed me before. I didn't really know how to love. I didn't understand what love really was. It feels great to say that I finally get it! Half of the battle is finding the right person, sure...which will come someday, when I'm ready...but the other half was in my learning how to love, and FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. Not for selfish, boastful reasons. Not because I NEED to have someone around. 

And it only took me 31 years to figure out.