Five More Things...

A few days ago, a friend shared this blog with me, 5 Things NOT to Say to a Single Mother. I found it so thoroughly enjoyable, and I could relate to it so well, that five MORE things not to say suddenly popped into my head.(Let me preface this by saying that I know these comments are well-intentioned. That doesn't mean they sound any less ridiculous to a single mom. So if you've said any of these to me, I don't hold any ill will, I promise!)

6. "I'm practically a single mom!"
The key word here is "practically." Even if you are doing most of the work, or your husband works crazy hours, or you feel like he's never home, you're not a single mom. You have a backup. There's someone else to get up in the middle of the night, even if you won't let him. You're not a single mom unless you're a SINGLE MOM. I know you're just trying to relate, but it actually comes off sounding like you don't see the difference.

7. "So what's your story?"
Believe it or not, I get this one a lot. I guess when you're a single mom, everyone assumes that you have some great tale to go along with it. Let's face it, in my situation, I do have a story, but that doesn't mean that I want to share it with you right off the bat. In the same way that I wouldn't ask you "So how's your relationship with your husband?" five minutes after meeting you, it's appreciated if you wait until I want to share my story with you. And I will, I promise.

8. "Can you work late today?"
This sucks for any mom, but for a single mom it sucks double. Especially when you are asked at 4:55. While my child is not in daycare, that still means I have to ask my already-exhausted caregivers (aka parents) to stay a little while longer, thus ruining the chances of asking them to babysit one night this week so I can go shopping without the baby. So, no. I can't work late. And don't look at me like I'm crazy. You knew I was a single mom when you hired me.

9. "You look tired."
Again, no mom really wants to hear this, but I feel like most single moms are legitimately more tired than other moms (I'm not saying single moms are better, just more tired). I can tell you, unequivocally, that yes, I am tired. I have a toddler. Toddlers are adorably cute and require an immense amount of energy and patience...usually more than one person has in them. And I can't tell her to go bother daddy for a little while, because she doesn't know what a "daddy" is.

10. "You're better off."
Probably. I know you're just trying to be supportive, but when you say that to me as I'm standing in line at the grocery store and my child is screaming and knocking all the candy off the shelf, I sometimes second guess that. Also, I may be better off, but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily happy about it. Come to think of it, I never say this phrase to anyone, let alone a single mom. You probably know better than I do if you're better off or not, so I'll leave it to you!

These are not complaints, they are merely pointers. Again, we know you mean well, just keep these pointers in mind. We just want to be treated like normal people - although I don't know anyone normal, single parent or not, so treat us like you treat your other weird friends!