There are two different kinds of single mothers. There are single mothers who have 2 weekends a month to themselves, and then there are single mothers who are 24/7/365. I happen to fall into the latter group.
I don’t want to sound righteous, but I don’t find that I have a lot in common with the first group of single mothers. I actually haven’t found very many local single mothers that I have anything in common with at all (with the exception of the obvious quality of being unmarried, uncoupled, etc.) The single moms I meet at the park pretty much bitch about their exes and how they’re late to pick up the kids on Friday evenings. One mom asked me, “Does yours show up late all the time?” And I replied, pretty much without thinking, “I’ll say. He still hasn’t shown up to meet her at the hospital.” The look of shock and awe usually tells me that they’ve realized that they aren’t really a single-single mom.
I am NOT knocking single mothers whose exes are involved. I realize they have their own set of issues in having to deal with the baby-daddies, and that I have (so far) been spared from that. I just get tired of hearing the single moms I am exposed to complain all the time. If they’re not complaining about their exes being late, it’s about child support, or their ex in-laws. Come on, people! You could have it much worse! So you have to deal with the ex? Well, guess what? At least he’s there to complain about!
Okay, enough of my rant. All I’m saying is, I can’t be friends with a lot of the single moms I meet. Part of it is that I don’t have time for friends, so I’m certainly not going to waste my time with someone who is already making me regret starting a conversation. I would love to find another single mom in my situation. I know they exist, but I still haven’t found one. I am the only single-single mother that I know. Maybe I should start a support group. Oh right, I don’t have time….Hmm…I’m starting to realize why I haven’t met any other single-single moms…
Well said, Sarah! I am a part time single mom and I applaud you for all you have to do being "on" 24/7/365. I am a single mom who understands that yes, it could be a lot worse! My ex and I are able to communicate, he pays child support on time and I am actually becoming friends with his new wife. Weird, I know.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, but I think I know where you're coming from with this comparison. It's like when a married mom's husband goes out of town for the weekend and she claims to be a "single mom" for those 2 days. While yes, it's difficult solo parenting if you're used to having help, it is NOT the same as being a single mom or a single-single mom. It's like you're not discounting each person's hardship, but you're just stating that there *is* a difference.
One day it will be less intense, this single-single mothering. For now though, Emma is sooo lucky to have you. You sacrifice a lot and while I know you don't do it for accolades, you deserve to know how awesome you are and that I admire your dedication.
It's funny Rebekah, when I thought of single moms I could be friends with, I thought of you! I was telling my mom the other night that I always understand your posts about single mothering, and that we share the same optimistic outlook on things. Too bad you don't live in Jax! Booooo!
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