Sacrifice

What is a sacrifice, really?

When I tell people about my "situation", most of the time I get one of two reactions: "atta girl!" (actually, my favorite reaction was "remind me never to piss you off!) or "oh, that must be hard." Well, both are true. On the one hand, I didn't compromise myself and settle for a situation that didn't suit me, but at the same time, it did make my life a lot harder. In a recent conversation, the word "sacrifice" was brought up a lot, as in "Wow, you have to make a lot of sacrifices". Do I? I never stopped to think about it.

Sure, I am truly a single mom in every meaning of the word "single." There is no husband, no boyfriend, not even a deadbeat dad. Just absence. Just me. Nobody takes my kid every other weekend, or pays me child support. That means, when I'm not at work (while my parents are graciously watching Emma), I'm with her. That means no going out with friends to bars and movies, no sporting events, no staying out late of any kind at all. When she wakes up in the night, I can never roll over and say "honey, it's your turn" (not that I would anyway, since she's in bed with me). I don't have a partner to bounce parenting ideas off of, to complain to when I'm tired and feeling weak, etc. You get the point I'm trying to make here. I'm truly single.

I'm suddenly realizing there seems to be a negative tone to this. So let me make my true point here: what other people consider sacrifices must be far different from what I consider a sacrifice. Nobody takes my kid every other weekend - which means I never have to be apart from her. Nobody pays me child support - while the extra cash would be nice, it's not worth the trouble in my case. And going out with friends to bars and movies? Ehhh, I could take it or leave it. I'd rather hear Emma babble on and on about the moon and the fire trucks and her baby doll, and see her sweet eyes look up at me adoringly when she wakes up in the night. And this "situation" has made me closer to my parents and family than I ever thought was humanly possible.

So really, am I making sacrifices? Maybe. Probably. But they're not sacrifices in my eyes. They're calculated attempts to raise the most healthy and loving child that I possibly can...and I'd "sacrifice" anything for that.